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Toledo State Hospital Patient Diary - MMS 1769

Note : This diary has been divided into parts in order to present it in a manageable form. The divisions do not reflect divisions in the text. Spelling and punctuation are original.

Toledo State Hospital Patient Diary - Part 4

i ought, i will continue, as i have begain, hopeing that i have transmitted it from memory, too these pages corestly, if not the substance is the trouth, and the onely misstake is, in the corect time of it, transpireation, af-ter the mud had dryed up so that we could go too work at the frameing, again Nelson came down too the house for that purpose but did not go too work, be cause we had another quarrel and she had gon too her sisters too spend the night, and i had too go back too my Fathers house, too stay, and the day following i went down town too and too the town, and having 75 dollars to send come home, she di dnot return that knight, or i did not see her, so the next morning after breckfast, i puit on my fathers overcoat and went down town it had bin snowing the knight before and was quite cold yet was thawing some in places, where the sun shined, and the wind could not gett at these placed, though where the wind had a full sweep it was blustery and cold blowing the snow in great heeps and driffts, i went intwo a saloon and sit down too a table and called for some drinks, receiveing them i made my self comfortable by leanning my back a gainst the walll and prepaired too spend the after noon, i played a few games of cards, shook the a few games of dice, and treated some of the people that were in there, and finealy got off my seat went up two the bar and bying bying the cigars for my self and two or 3 others that were in there, settled my bill with the bar tender, went out doors, and went home, i think that it was quite late when i got too my fathers house if my memory serves me right, but can not possatively say the next morning it was quite warm and the snow was melting very rappidaly, and as the following day there was not much of it left thesame day or the next, my wife came home from her sisters, and was as good as it is possible for any woman too bee, and exsist on this earth, i knowing why she was so kind, did not take much stock in it, but thinking that one might come too a happy understanding, and that was better than a qurrel, i gave her kindness, for kindness, and we were boath the happeyear for it we had not bin long togeather, before she asked me for too give her the money that i had draw from the loan, i told her that i would, not, then she wanted me too go down too the lumber yard and pay it on the lumber that i had contracted for, i agreed too this proposion and wee started on our ----- for a few blocks too freemans lumber yard driving there we went in and paid i think $60 dollars on some lumber that we had contracted for our new house, shortly after this i was at work, and not feeling verry contented i returned home, form my work, and, went down too the river, lying down under a shade tree too while away the after noon hours, i was meditateing on the honestity of the people in this world, and compairing my hard lot in lifes fickle fortunes with the lifes of others men, when i was interrupted in my meditations by the apearance of my wife she sat down near me on the ground under the tree, and be-gan talking too me, about how i felt and i did not think that it would bee better for me too goo too the doctors and bee examend too see if there was any thing the matter with me, or ------ medicen, too clense my system, i told her that there was nothing the matter with me but if she thought there was i would go with her too the doctors, we went and the first doctor that examend me seemed too think that i had too much blood and neaded couping so he puit the cups on after takeing off my coat vest and shirts, the cups did not hurt me much, neither doo i think that they did me any ingurey, or any good, for i was not sick or in nead of any medical treetment, and the doctor said that there was nothing the matter with me, the doctors name was cook and him and my wife had, a private conversation i doo not know what the perport ofit was, but supose that it was, reguard-ing my self, we went home from the doctors and i remained the rest of the day at home, the following morning i again went to work, all, right and, reamined at my work all day, and for too or 3 days following, then a dark suspision took poseasion of me that all was not right at home, and i quit work and came home, oanly to find that my suspisions were not corect my wife began again with her everlasting pleed-ing, with me too too too the doctor again with her, and get something too drive away, the listless suspisious, feeling that had quite a furm holt of me, that it was noghitn but billiousness that was the cause of my feeling that way, well i went with her the next morning too another doctor whose office was on madson street, and the corner of 17th street, we went in and sit down in the office, and waited for the doctor too come, an he was out, some where, and while waiting for his return, another, patant cam in the office and sit down, too allso wait for the doctors return, she was a woman of about 30 or 35 years of age verry han-some and in the best of health, quite well dressed and had the appearance of an abundance of this worlds goods in her posesion, the lady and my wife had quite a confab, and the subject was my self, shortly after the doctor came in and, atended too her wants then she left he then called us in too the consultation room and inquired our wants, talking the while too my wife, and finealy, rot a perscription telling us the drug store too go too too get it filled we went too the store at the corner of franklin Ave; and adams street, we just got their too the store just as the doctor drove in his cart and, we went in the store all too geather, he, went up too the drugest and said something too him then went out, we then handed the perscription to the drugest and he filled it, takeing an 8 ounce vile, i be-lieve for the purpose, i watched him like a hock and saw what canestiers he took the medican from, and even at this late date i believe that i could point out too any one, the exact, canstiers, that he took the medican from, if i was too bee brought there, and the drug store still existed with no change in its, insides, the medican was strong cop-prous, dark green in collar, and he filled the vile 2 thirds full, and then puit a transparante liquid in, with another that was the cullar of wine adark brown the second remedy was in my belief tincture of iron the third remedy was for the blood or to act on the system, we went home, again, i knowing that i was not sick or in nead of any medicon yet my wife determined that i must take it i made the atempt and, i believe that if i had, drank live coals or liqued fire it would not have burnt any worse, it felt, as if my insides were on fire, my throat, and lungs and my stumic were burning, i took a drink of watter then went out of the house the watter quenched the fire except in my lungs, so i went over to the drug store and bought, a bot-tle of patant medican, called laudnum, for the throat and lungs, a remedy that was considered, unequaled, as a care for lung complaint, i opened the bottle and drank half, of it it went too my lungs and stopp the burning and eating pain that was caused by takeing the doctors medicin i kept it seccret and took it occasionaly and in a few days was all right, i was verry carefull about what i ate or drank after this expearance, and i would not take no more, of the medican that we got from the doctors, the medican was in my opinion was perpared, for the persoe of running me, in too the dropsy and comsumptsion, if they could persuade me too take it, though i honestly believe that my wife did not know this, or she would not have bin so ergant for me too take it, poor woman she did not know the aufful conspireicy that was, hatched, by certain seacret organizeations too distroy my honor, and take my life by a slow murder, through the sorce of the medican vile, yet i did but could not wholey stop or their aufful conspiracy, nor did she know that, in the incorporation of my self, in this asylum, it puit me in their clutches and was for the purpose of my distruction by the afore said seccret soscetty, if she or my people had known this horrable conspireicy against my life they would have moved heven and earth too gett me out of here, that is some of them would an dso would my wife, have got me out of here, it was shortly after this that i was arested and brought before the probate judge, and com-mited too the asylum for the first offence that the probate judge discharged, me for, oanly a few days before, the of-fence of having too bad a temper,, so i must be brought out here and stay a while too cool off, i will say in extenua-ton for the judge that i believe at the time of my convic-tion that he had no idea that, there was a conspiracy against my life or honor, by anyone, yet i believe that he was informed of this conspiracy shortly after my convic-tion, and oanly condem him for his carelessness, and want of dooing something too better my posision here, or getting my releace scince it was my distruction, for too remain here and every hour of my confinement was fraught with dan-ger to my life and honor, scince it was through his mis-judgement that i was incarcerated in this asylum for in-saine, yet perfectly sencubic and healthy, i will begin now, at the time of my second arest and trile, every thing that transpired, too me, up too the present time and as corectly as i can remember it and will allso transfer from memory all that these people have did, in any capasity, in this book, it is my disire too not rite any thing but the trouth in this book, so that any one that may by chance have the good luck or bad misfortune, too gett it in their possession, will not have any trouble, with it, and if by chance a humane person him or her will, follow it, prince-ables and asist any one of these poor mortals, who by their oan actions have proved themselves worthy of assistance, and so save them from the coruptness of these people and from what is worse than death dishonor, they will gett the blessings of all honorable people, and allso those of the partys whosoever him or her, may chance too help yet the person or party of person who band them self too geather for the purpose of assisting those in dire, distress as these people are at the presant time, will get the blessing that all honorable people, try for, yet few, ever gain, tho never stop trying for it, is gods blessing, our hevenly Fa-thers when arested the first time i was puit in the prison hall, at the central police station, and as it was, after dinner hours, i roamed around the hall untill supper time, when the turn key ended in the supper for us all there were about 8 or 10 in the hall of prisoners, and the supper con-sisted of a pint cup full of black coffie 1/2 loaf of bak-ers bread, and a half pound of balana sausage for each one of the prisoners, i took my rations with the rest, and set down too enjoy it in a corner of the hall, on the hard stone floor, after eating what i required too sustain the iner man, i gave the rest too one of the other prisoners, and went up on the stairs too the uper platform that gives entrance, too the uper tier of sells, and sit down on the iron railing that is puit around the out edge of this plat-form too keep the prisoners from falling off too the floor below, enrout for their sells at knight, or comeing from them, when let out, in the morning by the turnkey and for-mes a fence about 3 and 1/2 ft high carried all around the platform and down too the lower floor by the stairs, form-ing a stair rail and a better place too sit on than the stone floor below, about or at 9 oclock the turnkey came in too lock us up for the knight, and i was asined a cell in the lower tier of sells, on the ground floor, there was not any thing too sleep on except, a hard plank, fastened too the wall, by iron braces, and about 3 feet from the floor with another just like it 3 ft higher up i took the lower bunk, for my bed took my pocket hankderchieff out brushed the dust and buggs off of it and puiling my coat off i turned it inside out, roled it up, and used it for a pillow i than layed down and, quietly waited for morning it was in the naborhood of 11 or 12 oclock at knight when i heard ---, outer door of the prison opened by the turnkey and a cou-ple of men come in too the prison hall, and shortly after their entrance the turnkey locked them up three or 4 cells from where i was lock up and nearer the door that leeds in two the turnkeys room, i cannot understand what kept me awacke for it was simply impossible for me too gett too sleep, and while lying there listening too the many slight sounds that, disturb the stilness of the knight, i was sud-denly, braught too a listening posision by the queer sound or noise ishuing from the cell in which the turnkey had licked the too night prowlers in, the sound seemed too me too bee made by the two men, using each other, in a man and wife fashion, though using their mouths in the same way and for the same perpose, that a married man uses his wife pri-vates because of them boath being men on the next morning, before breckfast i had the chance that i wanted, too see who they were and i sized them up in great shape the young-est one of the two was a fine looking young man in the naborhood of 25 or 26 years old smooth of face and slitely spare, of flesh light complected strait nose, not very promonant blue eyes light hair or verry light brown, dressed in dark cloaths with a light diabl overcoat the same kind and color the doctors wore around here a few years ago, price had one of them, he was a trifle taller than my self, and slim in build, i blieve that he was of english decent, the other wasan irish man, short, and hevvy in build with a red or slightly red complection bull face, slightly roman nose dark sanddey hair, downturndown collar and dark gray cloaths, all too geather he was a slick look-ing fellow, or man, of about 30 or 35 years of age, i walked toowards them in the hall they were near the watter closet, at the end of the hall farthest from the door and one of them was sitting down on the stone floor, while the other was standing up and as i aproached nearer too them, iover heard their convercesation, and this is the grist of it well iam a sun of a bitch who would think it of him, he looks all right, there is not a rong look they say he suck it is hard too believe, yet looks is sometimes deceiving and one cant believe all that he hears, well iam a son of a bitch its funney i cant understand it well i am a bastard, if i don't believe that this a gibe, and many other things that they said, i could not hear, but what made me listen and try too catch the drift of their convercesation, was that they appearantly were talking about my self tho not directly yet they looked strait at me but talked too one an other, and did not adress any remarks, directly too myself, i sised them up, as men who earn their living by, mis lead-ing the public, as reguards people carracter, getting them intoo trouble by falce reports reguarding thir honor and getting a shaire of what is made from having them arested that is lieing about people, and getting money, from po-liceman lawers, doctors, and sometimes from ones enemeys, for makeing business for profinions, and for getting trou-blesom people, or people that know the seccret wormkings, fo their buisness and consequancly, are a fraid of exposure yet there is another buisness that i have heard of, that there too men might have followed a lively hood, and i be-lieve did for close, it is an organization, formed in all of the big cittys, in the country or some of them, i was so informed that there was one in the city of toledo and one of these vile organization in the city of chicago, by one who lives there and knows, and is concidered very trooth-full and, with lots of expearance for his buisness takes him too every part of the city, and so has the chance of seeing and knowing, nearly every thing of importance that transpires in, his city his name is Christopher Duizeso an honest honorable reliable man, and i allso had pointed out too me, in the city of toledo, by persons, that seemes too know what they were talking about, some of the members, of this vile organization, the parttys name i will not devulge, unleass it becomes necesceary, the organization i am riteing about is too vile for human beeings too belong too, and the organization is composed of men and wimmen that have forsaken humanity, an dare out cast by the re-spectable, people, an din conscequance have joined the lower animals the organization goos by the name of the C; Suckers, and which organization, i have bin trying in every honorable way that i could, not too belong too, and with the human instincts so wounderfully strong in me, and with gods great asistance i will keep clear from so long as god letts me live, tho i know the power that is brought too beare against, one, in helpless confinement, and soon, some fall by its pressure, rather than sustaine their, honor as men and wimmen, yet its bestly coersions and viler princa-bles have not the slitest effect on my self, yet i know that the these people, by their abuse, that i receive from them, at the present time and the abuse that i have re-ceived in the past 5 or 6 years of my confinement, will never stop trying too make me one of them, and consce-quantly indirectly make me a C; Sucker if they succeed yet i have to grin and bare it, untill such times as i can gain my liberty and independence 11 years or more have past since i was first brought here as a patant from lucast county and from the city of toledo ohio, yet dureing all those long years, i have not cesed too try and try over again too get my discharge, and failed, but with all the failures, there is yet a small, glimmer in the dark clouds that hang over my head, andipuit my faith, in god, with the positive assurance of getting my liberty some day in the near future, and ask gods assistance too keep me alive and honorable untill that day doth come however as it was Mon-day morning that, i am now riteing about, and the too gen-tle men of the night before, who were making those strange noises, and the meaning of these noises, which i have here inscribed i will drop them now and let the purson, or the pursons who, gett this back and makes it public, judge if i inturpited those sounds right or, rong, as the too men, were talking and looking directly at me, i thought they were talking of me, and i went up too them looking them squairely in the face as i drew near, and as i came closte too them they sceeced too talk, and was silant, i turned on my heel, and walked too the door that openes intwo the turnkeys room, and as i got near the door, the turnkey opened it and called them the two men out and i saw them no more shortly after this i was called, intwo the turnkeys room, and from their taken too the county jail in the prison van, i had a hearing privately and givven my relice, this was the first time, i was arested, a few days follow-ing i was arested, and puit in jail, i had good quarters their, for jail quarters i was puit in the matrons room there was a stove and a fire in the stove a stool or chair an iron bed stead big enough for two people too sleep in and a watter closet connected with the room, i staid in it over night, the next morning i was brought down too the probate court room for trile, there was in the cort room, at the time i was brought in, of men the judge, the doctor whose name was kitchen, the clerk of corts, who was a laddy, if i am not mistaken a lawyear, the asistant deputy sherief who brought me there, my self, my oldest sister and my brother Nelson, i and my sister were talking toogeather, and i did not pay much attention too the others, the doctor examend me and found that, there was nothing the matter with me, oanly, that i was slightly nervus, so he informed me, then went too the judge, and had a convercesation with him, while they were talking my brother in law, came too the cort room door with another, little man and looked in they were looking at my self so i thought, and in some way had something too doo with my conviction, i would bee will-ing too take me oath, and i doo not think that i would bee purgering, for shortly after his apearance and disappear-ance, the judge spoke too me in this way, well william or will i have heard, some bad storries about you, some of them is, that you have a verry bad temper, and when angery you are liable too hurt some one, or doo something that you might bee sorry for in youre cooler, moments, i don't think that you are verry crazey my self but, youre temper might lead you too doo something that would cause great damage, and sorrow, when argery if you did not controle it and i guess you better go out there and learn too control youre temper and cool of awhile, but he first, as in the bare part of his convercesation directed too me, he asked me if i was crazey and i answered him that i was not and laught at him, i was committed, and braught out here where i was, puit in the m building in ward 2, in the second storrie from the ground, and in the east end of the building, when i first came here i weighed 204 or 5 pounds and was in the best of health, not even having a slight cold, it was in the spring of the year of 1891, and since where near the 20th; of april i doo not remember the exact time or day of the month as i did not keep a calendar or look at one that any one else had, nor did i read the newspaper, or had not look at one for more than a month, so, i can not be sup-posed too know the exact day of the month of my incarsera-tion in this toledo State Hospital, for Insaine, yet i claim too have never bin insaine, neather am i senil neather am i a bastard, neather am i a pauper, neather am i a drunkard, neather am i a quarrelsome, neather am i a thief, neather doo i cheat, neather doo i lie, i don't claim too bee any of the vile things that these people have bin trying too make of me, but doo claim too bee an honest, honorable, law abideing, american citican, whose oanly fault is his poverty, and his christian princeiples, and a decendant from one of the oldest famleys in this united states of america, and the first one of a long line of hon-orable ansestors that ever was incarserated in any lunitic asylum, or puit in confinement and held, unlawfully in any state institution is this united states, we were a long line of macanics, farmers, and soldiers and buisness men on my fathers side of our famley, and on my mothers side of our famley they were quakers, minsters, farmers buisness men, spuriturelist, clairvoyants and some of them gifted with what is second sight, the gift was allso my fathers, and i believe that it was through him posesing the gift of second sight, that he was made blind, or by his enemies, as these people have tried two blind me every way they could untill i have lost it and my eyesight is partly distroyed from their abuse, it was did by poisioning the blood, giv-ing me brown kettus, and thus efecting the nurves that leeds too the eyes and makeing me inhaile dry poisions at knight every breath that i draw, while a sleep, and satureating my system by the use of hipnotism, with poisions and alsoby poisioned watter that i drink every day, that i have bin here in this asylum, i have allso ate adultarated food, every scince i have bin in this institu-tion, the adultration was composed of chamber lye, all kinds of filth that comes from these people, that, aught too goo intwo the watter closet, and be caried off by the sewerage, yet is turned in too the watter pipes, and con-ducted too the dining building too cook food in or with different kinds of diseases from eating filthy food, if it was not for the acids, that they puit in the food at dif-ferent times along with vitrols, too salluvate the patatns and in this way carrie off the corruption from the systum, but they sometimes get too much of these acids and vitrols in their food for the patants, and there by are salivated too much, causing inturnal hemmerage, or bleeding inturnaly some times purfurated stumic, or sometimes lung complaint, kidney diseases or liver complaint, now it all savors of speculation in human life, and is too a curtain extant, for the diseases this treatment, breeds, holds one in ocnfine-ment, and shortens ones life thus is it seccret specula-tion, and the patants knowing this sceem too keep them-selves healthym, and doo by the use of hipnotism, takeing one person, who is in confinement, with them as a patant and by the use of a little mor acids puit intwo his or her food, make him or her an attraction, or a receiving bat-tery, and, then by the use of hipnotism the attraction in made too draw the fillthy poisions from the systems of the other patants, thus keeping the rest of the other patants fairly in good health, tho the one that they use for this buisness, by hipnotism, or the attraction, that is used too keep the others in the ward, healthy, is subject too all kinds of diseases, such as blood poision, conjestion of the lungs or stumic, blader complaint kidney complaint bron kettus, and one other complaint, that blood poisioning will produce, they or the manergers of the buisness generly keep 1 or 2 atractions in each ward, all over, or in every ward in the institution, i have heard that the attractions, were paid for their use yet i have never seen any one of them that could positively say that they received any thing for their abuse, i know i have not an di have bin held here for 11 years or more, and used for the purpose i have here men-tioned, i think they aught too bee paid for their use, as it shortens their lives and nessearily holds them in con-finement while, they are used it pauperizes them, and taints their honor, and sometimes is their compleete, dis-truction, i know that the laws of our countery dose not alow any buisness of the kind that i have mentioned here, and it one complained of this buisness, the law would con-nect the partys, doing the buisness of conspireicy, and penitenchery would bee their just punishment, but they say in order too not have too pay these people for their use as atractions and too make it appeair lawfull, they report that they are C. suckers, and try too make them that if they are not, and in many caces acomplish their horrable disigns so and finealy beet them out of every thing that goes too make an american sittycan, life home famley friends and what is dearer than all these combinde too him or her, liberty and honor, so have i bin used, and so have they bin trying too make me a C. Sucker, of me knight and day for near 6 long years from 3 to 5 times a knight they have made attempts too commit sodomy on my self while i was a sleep, and used hipnotism made me draw their poisions from their sustumn, in this, they were using me boath for too keep the patants healthy and deacent, and i have heard that they were making extra money by the use of sodomy on myself, at the raite of $5,00 dollars for each and every attempt, i was shown some of the money thus earned, by too different parttys, and i too save my honor from their hell-ish disigns had too sew too hankerchiefs toogeather and make a bed convering too tie over my head, and face, in this way keeping from commiting sodomy on me, i did this for the space of time of 3 years, or more untill my breath got so short, from conjustion of the lungs and bowls, through drawing these patants poisions diseases, and in-haleing poisions by these parttys using hipnotism on my self, i finealy had too take my head covering off, because i nearly smothered to death too or 3 times, so much so that i blead too the nose and moth, and find a substitute in the barkadeing of my door, after i had bin locked in my room at night, it kept them out of my room yet the used me worce than ever, by hipnotism, and by the use of a galvanic bat-trie on me after i had bin electrsised, thus making me a receiving battire on the same principle as wireless stille-gra i claime too be unlawfully held in confinement, for il-legial purposes, in one of our free state institutsions, for the sickly, insaine, and week minded, people of the state of ohio, too bee braught, too bee cured of some ail-ment and restored too citican ship when cured and that the law, requires their protection by those who the state hires, an officers care for them, while in confinement and not for the distruction of the patants, or the people, that are held in helpless, confinement, and that i know that this and other institutesions like it is suported by the tax payers of the state, so as i have bin held here il-legaly, from the first moment that i was braught here, and you have proved it by youre abuse of me, it would not be nessesisary for me too gett my discharge in order too leave this instituteion, from the superntandant or any officers of this instituteion, by law, i claime that i am, getting pauperized, and that the whole of these people are con-spireing against, my life, too too protect them selfs, from being murdered in their sleep, by hipnotism and using me in their stead, thus endangering my life, on by breeding dis-eases, through their use of me, and they are allso detur-mined too distroy my honor by sodomy, so allso too keep them self from having outrages committed on them, and too make it appeare that the ones that are dishonorable, are honorable, and thus by lying all their durt, and filth at my door they receive protection, by misleeding their supe-riors or slave holders and this is the main reason why i have had too bag my head with hankerchiefs and barkade my door at night after being locked in my room, there is an-other reason, or proof of their conspireacy against my life and honor, and that is that every one of these people that will doo what they are told too doo, eather good bad or in-differant, get credit for it and i have noticed that they used by that monopoly, and holding me in confinement for their use and for these catholic bennifit at the expence of my life, liberty, honor and the honor of my famley, i am being used as a foreign surff and so are all of these peo-ple, yet there is this difference, that i never doo a rong or inmoral act while these people will doo anything that comes too their mind, i am or was perfectly healthy or would bee with my liberty, they are unhealthy, i work for my living honestly, they never work, if possible i prove that this confinement is diseaseing me and shortening my life they or these people prove that their confinement, is their health, and thus i prove a conspireacy by you all, against my life honor and liberty, i ment when i started too rite this book too explaine every thing, about this buisness, and all too prove my sanity by it and have proved my sainity by it, yet cannot explaine any more about this seccret organization conected with this instituteion on acount of there not being any more paper, so i bid you a kindly good by, hopeing that the parttys that gett this book will, use it for the bennifit of any one that, is in the clutches of this afful caniball of the state of Ohio this sapping the life out of the poor people of this U,S, of A, and may you bee worthy of gods blessings

Wm, -----

Oh, how happy is the, man
That has chozen wisdoms ways
And has measured out his span
Too his God in prair and praise

Lucinda -----

My Grand Father, was a
very nice Man, and a
very nice Man was he
He drove a couple of Cats
to market one day and he
bought one pound of Tea

Composed by the ---- Famous Page

MMS 1769 - Toledo Hospital Patient Diary Guide
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